Lori Gottlieb: The Therapist Who Seeks Therapy
Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist and bestselling author who has become one of the most trusted voices in mental health and relationship advice. As a practicing therapist and former dating columnist for The Atlantic, she brings both professional expertise and personal insight to her writing, helping people navigate the complexities of love, relationships, and personal growth.
Early Career and Background
Born in 1968, Gottlieb began her career in a unique way—first working as a television producer before transitioning to psychotherapy. This background in media gave her a distinctive perspective on how to make psychological concepts accessible to general audiences. She earned her degree in psychoanalysis from the New Center for Psychoanalysis and has since maintained a private practice in Los Angeles.
”Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough”
Before her breakthrough memoir, Gottlieb gained attention with her 2012 book “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.” The book sparked widespread controversy and discussion by challenging the dating advice that encourages women to hold out for “the one.” Instead, Gottlieb argued that settling for a “good enough” partner who treats you well might lead to greater happiness than waiting for an idealized match.
Key Arguments
- The paradox of choice in dating leads to dissatisfaction
- Good relationships can be built rather than found
- Perfectionism in partner selection can prevent happiness
- Compatibility and kindness matter more than romantic ideals
The book generated significant media attention and debate, establishing Gottlieb as a provocative voice in the relationship advice space.
”Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed”
Published in 2019, “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” became a #1 New York Times bestseller and established Gottlieb as a leading voice in the mental health conversation. What makes this book unique is that it provides an unprecedented glimpse into the inner workings of therapy by revealing how therapists themselves seek help.
The Central Premise
Gottlieb’s core insight is that therapists are human too—they struggle with the same issues as their clients and benefit from therapy just like anyone else. The book challenges the misconception that therapists are emotionless experts who have everything figured out.
Structure and Approach
The book is structured around two parallel narratives:
- Gottlieb’s sessions with her own therapist, Wendell
- Sessions with her own clients, including:
- John, a seemingly successful but angry man
- Julie, a new bride dealing with cancer
- Rita, a terminally ill older woman
- Charlotte, a 20-something who can’t commit
This dual perspective provides a comprehensive view of therapy from both sides of the couch.
Key Themes
- The universality of human struggles
- The importance of vulnerability and connection
- How therapists process their own issues
- The therapeutic process and what makes it effective
- The role of stories in healing
Professional Work and Media Presence
Beyond her books, Gottlieb has established a strong presence in the mental health and media world:
Therapy Practice
As a practicing psychotherapist, Gottlieb works with individuals and couples in Los Angeles. Her approach combines traditional psychoanalytic techniques with more modern therapeutic methods.
Media Work
Gottlieb has contributed to numerous publications including:
- The New York Times
- The Atlantic (where she was a dating columnist)
- Psychology Today
- Real Simple
She’s also appeared on countless podcasts, television shows, and radio programs discussing mental health and relationships.
”Dear Therapists” Column
Gottlieb co-hosts “Dear Therapists” with Guy Winch on The Atlantic, where they answer readers’ questions about relationships and mental health. This column has become one of the most popular advice features on the internet.
Speaking Engagements
Gottlieb is a sought-after speaker at conferences and events, where she discusses mental health, relationships, and the therapeutic process. Her presentations combine professional expertise with personal vulnerability, making complex psychological concepts accessible to general audiences.
Key Contributions to Mental Health
Destigmatizing Therapy
Gottlieb has played a significant role in reducing the stigma around therapy by showing that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Her openness about her own therapy experience helps normalize the process.
Making Therapy Accessible
Her writing makes the therapeutic process understandable to people who might be hesitant to try therapy. She explains complex psychological concepts in relatable terms and shows how therapy can be beneficial for anyone, not just those with severe mental health issues.
Humanizing Therapists
By revealing her own struggles and therapy experience, Gottlieb has helped humanize therapists and show that they’re not infallible experts but real people who also benefit from support and growth.
Exploring Universal Themes
Gottlieb’s work explores universal human experiences—love, loss, fear, hope, and the search for meaning. This approach makes her insights relevant to a broad audience.
Contemporary Relevance
In today’s mental health-aware world, Gottlieb’s insights are highly relevant:
- Growing awareness of mental health has increased demand for accessible resources
- The stigma around therapy is diminishing, making Gottlieb’s advocacy more timely
- Relationship challenges in the digital age make her dating advice particularly valuable
- The pandemic has highlighted the importance of emotional support and mental wellness
Impact and Legacy
Gottlieb’s work has influenced the mental health and relationship advice landscape in several ways:
- Her books have helped millions of people understand the value of therapy
- Her media presence has made mental health discussions more mainstream
- Her approach has influenced how therapists think about their own professional development
- Her writing has inspired countless people to seek help when they’re struggling
Lori Gottlieb’s contribution to the mental health field lies in her unique ability to combine professional expertise with personal vulnerability to make therapy accessible and destigmatized. Her work has helped millions of people understand that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a courageous step toward growth and healing.