Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Amir Levine, M.D., and Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A., is a groundbreaking book that applies the principles of attachment theory to adult romantic relationships. It provides readers with a scientific framework to understand their own and their partners’ relationship needs, leading to more secure and fulfilling connections.

Understanding Adult Attachment Styles

The book introduces three primary adult attachment styles:

• Anxious: Individuals with an anxious attachment style often crave intimacy, are preoccupied with their relationships, and worry about their partner’s ability to love them back.
• Avoidant: Avoidant individuals tend to equate intimacy with a loss of independence and try to minimize closeness. They may feel uncomfortable with too much emotional closeness.
• Secure: Secure individuals feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. They are able to communicate their needs effectively and respond to their partner’s needs.

Levine and Heller explain that understanding these styles is crucial because they dictate how we behave in relationships, how we perceive our partners, and how we respond to intimacy.

The Science Behind Attachment

The authors draw on extensive research in social psychology and neuroscience to explain why people act the way they do in relationships. They emphasize that attachment needs are innate and wired into our brains, much like the need for food or water. When these needs are met, individuals thrive; when they are not, distress and relationship problems can arise.

Practical Applications for Relationships

Attached offers practical advice for individuals to:

• Identify their own attachment style and that of their partner.
• Communicate effectively: Learn how to express needs and concerns in a way that fosters connection rather than conflict.
• Navigate relationship challenges: Understand the dynamics that arise when different attachment styles interact.
• Become more secure: Strategies for anxious and avoidant individuals to move towards a more secure attachment style.
• Choose compatible partners: Insights into identifying partners who are more likely to meet one’s attachment needs.

Impact and Significance

Attached has been widely praised for its clear, accessible explanation of a complex psychological theory and its direct applicability to real-world relationship issues. It empowers readers with knowledge that can transform their understanding of love and intimacy, helping them to build healthier, more resilient, and deeply satisfying relationships.

The book serves as a valuable resource for anyone seeking to improve their romantic life, whether they are single, dating, or in a long-term partnership.