The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever

Michael Bungay Stanier’s The Coaching Habit is a practical guide for leaders who want to develop better coaching skills without becoming full-time coaches. The book challenges the conventional approach to leadership development and offers a simpler, more effective method based on the power of questioning.

The Problem with Traditional Leadership

Bungay Stanier begins by identifying a common problem in many organizations: leaders who jump too quickly to provide solutions rather than helping their team members think through challenges for themselves. This approach may solve immediate problems, but it doesn’t develop people’s capacity to solve future problems independently.

The Seven Essential Questions

The core of The Coaching Habit is the introduction of seven essential questions that leaders can use to shift their approach:

1. The Kickstart Question

“What’s on your mind?” - This question helps people get to the heart of what’s really important to them without requiring a lengthy explanation.

2. The AWE Question

“And what else?” - This question helps generate more options and possibilities when someone thinks they’ve considered everything.

3. The Focus Question

“What’s the real challenge here for you?” - This question helps identify the deeper issue beneath the surface problem.

4. The Foundation Question

“What do you want?” - This question clarifies intentions and desired outcomes.

5. The Strategic Question

“How can I help…?” - This question shifts the focus from advice-giving to understanding what kind of help would be most useful.

6. The Procrastination Question

“What if you did something differently?” - This question helps people move from analysis to action.

7. The Lazy Question

“How long can you live with that?” - This question helps people determine whether a problem really needs to be solved right now.

The Benefits of a Coaching Habit

Bungay Stanier explains how developing these questioning habits can benefit both leaders and their teams:

For Leaders:

• Reduced stress from constantly having to provide solutions
• More effective use of time and energy
• Stronger relationships with team members
• Greater influence and impact

For Teams:

• Increased confidence and self-reliance
• Better problem-solving skills
• Greater engagement and ownership
• More innovative thinking

Practical Application

The book provides practical guidance on how to incorporate these questions into daily leadership practices:

Creating the Right Environment

Bungay Stanier emphasizes the importance of creating psychological safety for coaching conversations, where team members feel comfortable sharing their challenges and thinking out loud.

Timing and Context

The book offers insights on when and where coaching conversations are most effective, and when it’s better to provide direct guidance.

Overcoming Common Obstacles

Bungay Stanier addresses common challenges leaders face when trying to develop coaching habits, including resistance from team members and time constraints.

The MBS Matrix

The book introduces Bungay Stanier’s MBS Matrix, a framework for understanding different approaches to helping others and when to use each one:

1. Model

Demonstrating the behavior or skill yourself

2. Borrow

Connecting people with others who can help

3. Stop

Removing obstacles that prevent people from succeeding

4. Systematize

Creating processes and structures that support success

Conclusion

The Coaching Habit offers a refreshing and practical approach to leadership development. By focusing on asking better questions rather than providing better answers, leaders can develop their team members’ capabilities while reducing their own stress and workload.

Bungay Stanier’s simple yet powerful framework has made coaching more accessible to busy managers who want to improve their leadership effectiveness. The book’s actionable advice and compelling insights have made it essential reading for anyone who leads or manages others.

Through the seven essential questions and the MBS Matrix, readers gain practical tools they can immediately apply to transform their leadership approach and build more engaged, capable teams.